THE USER’S GUIDE AND MANUAL TO BRUCE WAYNE
by Xrai
Summary: Congratulations on your purchase of a BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit!


**Disclaimer:**The idea for Character Units does not belong to me. And BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN belongs to DC Comics and Christopher Nolan. I'm making no money from this, not even from the sale of the units. XP Sigh.

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**THE USER'S GUIDE AND MANUAL FOR**

**BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN**

**TORMENTED PAST INC.**

**Ruining People's Lives and Turning Them Insane Since 1939**

**CHIEF TECHNICAL ADMINISTRATOR: LUCIUS FOX**

***

Congratulations on your purchase of a BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit!

You are now the proud owner of a brand new, life-size BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit. We thank you for your purchase and hope for you to be buying more BATMAN units from us near the future. To obtain maximum enjoyment from your BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit please follow the instructions we have included below.

**TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS**

Name: Bruce Wayne

Alter Ego: Batman

Type: Human Male

Height: 6' 2"

Weight: 210 lbs

Manufacturer: Superheroes R Us & Co.

**ACCESSORIES**

Your BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit comes with:

One complete 'Giorgio Armani for Bruce Wayne' wardrobe

One Batman suit

Various tools (to upgrade or repair the suit)

Computers

One TUMBLER Unit

One BATPOD Unit

ALFRED PENNYWORTH Units and GIRLFRIEND Units sold separately

**USES**

Your BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit has been designed to be both easy and fun to use. His controls are voice activated, but he may occasionally ignore you out of pure stubbornness. Commands can also be relayed via the Batphone.

Besides being super yummilicious eye-candy and a force for good, your BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit also has plenty of other practical functions.

_Playboy Billionaire_

Are you a gold-digger? Need a hot date for one night? Your BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit is perfect for just that! With good looks, great charms and lots of money, he's your man!

Note: Tormented Past Inc. is in no way responsible if your BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit absconds with an entire Russian ballet troupe.

_Caped Crusader_

Were your parents murdered in front of your own eyes? Seen enough of the corruption in your city? Your BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit will not only spend his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands, he will also dangle corrupt cops off buildings and prevent mysterious leagues of assassins from poisoning your city with fear toxins.

Note: You may be pleased to know that if your BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit does fail in preventing the fear toxin from being unleashed, Gotham City's Health Department assured citizens that the fear toxin contains no trans-fats. So you'll still be able to fit into that dress you bought for that upcoming dinner with your BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit.

_Fundraiser Thrower_

Are you your city's District Attorney? Up for election in a few years? Or secretly trying to impress the girl of your dreams? If your BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit's sold, he'll throw you a fundraiser! One fundraiser with his pals, you'll never need another cent.

_Batman Critic_

We know he's just acting. But if you ever need anyone to harshly criticize the caped crusader, your BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit can do it. After all, who appointed the Batman? Anyone who dresses up as a bat and jumps off buildings clearly has issues.

Note: Your BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit may occasionally suffer from identity crisis due to his double life. We suggest hugs, cookies and an ALFRED PENNYWORTH Unit to help him through any troubled times.

**CLEANING**

When cleaning your BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit be careful not to irritate any of his injuries or wounds. Also, make sure that all wounds are regularly cleaned and the dressings changed in order to prevent infections.

Note: While it is fine to wash your BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit along with your RACHEL DAWES Unit or any other random female units, the pool is for decoration only and make sure that they have swimwear on, even if they happen to be European. Also, _do not ever_ wash together with a THE JOKER Unit unless both units have been set to SLASH mode.

**FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS**

**Q:** When my BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit dresses up as a bat to fight crime, does that mean he is crazy?

**A:** It depends on your point of view. To some, he's a symbol that they don't need to be afraid of scum like the THE JOKER Unit. To others, he's a freak, just like the THE JOKER Unit. Maybe they can share a padded cell forever. The only thing that may stop you from calling the men in white coats will be his explanation that it isn't about thrill seeking.

**Q: **My BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit does stuff like flip trucks and catch people who are falling off buildings. How is that possible?

**A:** Don't worry. He's the Batman. He can do anything, including occasionally defy the laws of Physics.

**Q: **Why doesn't my BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit want to wake up in the morning?

**A:** Bats are nocturnal. But even for billionaire playboys, three o'clock is pushing it. Health shakes and newspapers with the Batman featured in the headlines may help get him out of bed.

**TROUBLESHOOTING**

**Problem: **My BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit frequently comes back injured after fighting crime.

**Solution: **Unless you have any knowledge of first aid or experience in performing minor field surgery, we strongly suggest that you buy an ALFRED PENNYWORTH Unit to tend to any wounds or injuries. And make sure you have cleaning implements ready because every time he stitches himself up, he does make a bloody mess.

**Problem:** My BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit tried to rape and murder me!

**Solution:** You have accidentally been sent a PATRICK BATEMAN Unit from the American Psycho line of units. If you wish to exchange the unit for a BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit, please fill in the form provided and we will be glad to send you a BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit in exchange. However, there probably won't be enough time for you to do that before your PATRICK BATEMAN Unit finds you so you're pretty much screwed.

**Problem: **My BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit dumped me after just one night!

**Solution: **What part of the words 'playboy' and 'womanizer' do you not understand? It's part of his programming. The only female he will be loyal to will be the RACHEL DAWES Unit.

**Problem:** My BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit is all devastated and depressed after my THE JOKER Unit blew up my RACHEL DAWES Unit.

**Solution: **We suggest some breakfast and some words of comfort. Things are always going to get worse before they get better. (If you are not good comforting people, we recommend you purchase an ALFRED PENNYWORTH Unit to do this instead.) We also strongly suggest that you burn the letter she left for him.

**FINAL NOTE**

Tormented Past Inc. is in no way responsible for any is in no way responsible for any venereal diseases contracted, escalation of crime or the emergence of psychotic terrorists due to your BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit's nightly pursuits. We hope you enjoy your BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN Unit and may you have lots of fun cave-diving, BASE jumping, beating criminals up, jumping off buildings and doing… other stuff.

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Thanks for reading!


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